This spam email came addressed to Herbert. For some reason, the purple prose and fractured English (Russlish?) tickled me.

I want to change my life and your life completely. I may suggest that you are tired to spend such lonely days without love, without your second half, without stability. Am I right? If not, I told about my days, my lonely life. And I am going to change it; I do want to do it!

My heart is like a lonely dessert where no place for love, because nobody wants to knock to it.

Dessert? An eclair perhaps?

My heart is like a homeless child who cries every day without care. My empty days are full of cold winds and many, many questions: Why can anybody love me? Why am I still lonely? Either I am born to be single and never present my endless love to someone who will become the dearest person in this world. I don’t believe and I am sure that this letter to you will put the full stop into my lonely life.

Everything you need, just leave me the message here.