I had never seen Rick Sanchez until Saturday, when we bounced between Fox and CNN for quake coverage. I was astounded.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) suggested Monday that domestic violence by men has increased due to U.S. joblessness.

Reid, speaking in the midst of a Senate debate over whether to pass a $15 billion package meant to spur job creation, appeared to argue that joblessness would lead to more domestic violence.

“I met with some people while I was home dealing with domestic abuse. It has gotten out of hand,” Reid said on the Senate floor. “Why? Men don’t have jobs.”

“Women don’t have jobs either, but women aren’t abusive, most of the time,” he said.

From Michael Ramirez

Insidious Worm Makes Unauthorized Purchases When Computer User Is Drunk

Jonah Goldberg noted this week that Obama’s “glass jaw” is that he hates being ridiculed. In fairness, who does? But Obama does seem especially thin skinned.

Too bad he most likely will not read this from Barton Hinkle

This is a complex issue, and the longer it was debated, the more skeptical people became. I take my share of the blame for not explaining it more clearly to the American people.

–Barack Obama, State of the Union.

There’s a lot in the bill that people are going to like. It’s just a question of understanding it.

–ABC’s Cokie Roberts, Dec. 20.

What are the immediate plans for recalibrating the message or intensifying the message to explain better to the American people what you’re trying to do?

–Question to White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, Jan. 20.

It mighty big of man with nice voice to take blame like that. Him not need to. Head honchos not often take blame. Most times after big screw-up, head honchos say they have “full confidence” in someone who work for them — right before pushing someone off edge of cliff, or letting someone twist “slowly, slowly” in wind, like tricky Nixon guy did with man who ran FBI.

Man with nice voice not like those other head honchos. Him bring change to Washington already, see?

But him right. Him not explain health care good. Use too many big words. Say too many compound-complex sentences. Confuse American people. American people not want that. American people want simple explanation. Simpler the better.

Me feel kind of sorry. It must really get on nerves for man with nice voice and people on his side, like lady on TV and cheerleaders in White House press pool. Why can’t lamebrain American people get idea through thick skulls? Them not know how to make choices in own best interests! Need enlightened leaders to make choices for them. (Enlightened = smart. Me look this up in thing called “dictionary.” Dictionary good! Try sometime!)

Want example? Take mammogram fight. (Mammogram is thing where doctor squish tender woman part really hard and take picture. Owie!) Last year U.S. Preventive Services Task Force say women not need mammogram until age 50. Say squishing younger women not very clinically effective, so not save many lives. Say sometimes “false positives” scare women. This not good. Smart people must protect silly women, make sure they not get scared!

Experts say, from cruising altitude of 32,000 feet saving 12,000 lives over course of 10 years just not worth it. Country should not waste money like that. (Can hardly see someone from that far up anyway.) But crazy right-wing TeaParty people go around saying things like: Well, if it my life or my daughter’s life, maybe me feel different. Maybe me should be one to decide to get squished or not. This just show crazy right-wing Tea-Party people always thinking about themselves.

There so many things man with nice voice need to explain gooder. Like, if some people still need health insurance, why not just give them insurance voucher, like housing voucher or food stamps? Why put entire U.S. medical system in Cuisinart and set on Liquefy?

Tasteless, but funny. NSFW.

Bo Obama, presidential dog, writes at Big Government.

ARF!

Bo here, the conservative dog in the White House. I’m in the Oval Office with Barry and the boys while they decide on a strategy for the State of the Union speech. They can’t make up their minds. Big surprise, huh?

It’s been quite a week here since the Massachusetts senate race, all of them whining and moaning like a litter of pitbulls finding out they’ve just been sold to Michael Vick. Barry, of course, has been hardest hit. A retiree in Pompano Beach, Florida, gets bit by a sand flea, and Barry is hardest hit.

Still, the Scott Brown victory was a genuine blow to the faithful. Barry thrives on self-delusion, so the team here firehoses him with flattery non-stop. The One. The Lightbringer. Captain Smooth. Except for Rahm, the only guy who can tell Barry the truth. The only one who actually enjoys telling Barry the truth. Teleprompter Jesus. President Fist Bump. Harry Reid’s Immaculate Negro. Barry doesn’t appreciate it, but Rahm doesn’t care. Anyway, Scott Brown’s election really shook the place up. I was there. I smelt the fear…

“Now what?” Barry kept saying as he flipped through the channels looking for good news. “Now what?”

On CNBC, Norah O’Donnell woodenly read the latest vote tallies, mascara running down her cheeks like Chuckie the killer klown. Keith Olbermann was in the background, loudly vomiting into a waste basket.

Me, I was doing backflips and barking happily.

“The Kennedy seat,” Axelrod kept muttering. “We just lost the Kennedy seat.”

“What do you mean we?” said Barry.

“Yes, yes, that’s right,” said Axelrod. “It wasn’t a vote against you. No sir, not at all. It was anger, undifferentiated anger. Had nothing to do with you.”

Barry looked at Rahm.

“No, it was you,” said Rahm, grinning.

“We need to completely rewrite your State of the Union Address,” said Axelrod. “Listing your many accomplishments and your unique place in history to thunderous applause is probably not going to work right now.”

New Law Requires Women To Name Baby, Paint Nursery Before Getting Abortion

Congo Approves Economic Stimulus Package Of AK-47 For Every Citizen

Dave Barry:

It was a year of Hope — at first in the sense of “I feel hopeful!” and later in the sense of “I hope this year ends soon!”

It was also a year of Change, especially in Washington, where the tired old hacks of yesteryear finally yielded the reins of power to a group of fresh, young, idealistic, new-idea outsiders such as Nancy Pelosi. As a result Washington, rejecting “business as usual,” finally stopped trying to solve every problem by throwing billions of taxpayer dollars at it and instead started trying to solve every problem by throwing trillions of taxpayer dollars at it.

To be sure, it was a year that saw plenty of bad news. But in almost every instance, there was offsetting good news:

BAD NEWS: The economy remained critically weak, with rising unemployment, a severely depressed real-estate market, the near-collapse of the domestic automobile industry and the steep decline of the dollar.

GOOD NEWS: Windows 7 sucked less than Vista.

BAD NEWS: The downward spiral of the newspaper industry continued, resulting in the firings of thousands of experienced reporters and an apparently permanent deterioration in the quality of American journalism.

GOOD NEWS: A lot more people were tweeting.

BAD NEWS: Ominous problems loomed abroad as — among other difficulties — the Afghanistan war went sour, and Iran threatened to plunge the Middle East and beyond into nuclear war.

GOOD NEWS: They finally got Roman Polanski.

In short, it was a year that we will be happy to put behind us. But before we do, let’s swallow our anti-nausea medication and take one last look back, starting with. . .

Adults Go Wild Over Latest In Children’s Picture Book Series

Anonymous Philanthropist Donates 200 Human Kidneys To Hospital

For those who haven’t been following the news, Obama’s people released a report citing all the good things his stimulus spending has done.

That included jobs created in non-existent Congressional districts.

So to tweak The One, we have:

Republican activist and free market think-tanker Grant Bosse formally declared his candidacy today in New Hampshire’s 00th Congressional District after news that the Obama administration has attributed a majority of the state’s stimulus jobs to that non-existent district.

New Hampshire has only two congressional districts, neither of which are numbered “00.”

“Even a fake district needs real leadership,” said Bosse while appearing on WGIR’s Charlie Sherman show on Friday morning.

“The people overseeing the stimulus actually found more fake congressional districts than there are real congressional districts. So if we run in all 440 phantom congressional seats we can take over Congress,” Bosse said as the radio host chuckled along.

Obama’s Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner

This came as an email. I’d give credit, but I don’t know to whom.

BOSTON – President Barack Obama won the 2010 Boston Marathon on Friday in a stunning decision designed to encourage him to quit smoking and keep running to stay in shape. The Boston Athletic Association announced their decision to name Obama the winner even though the race will not be run until 18 April 2010, because the president has the desire to win, and has good intentions.

In announcing Obama the winner the president of the BAA said, “We must rise above the out dated measurements of what a person actually has accomplished and focus instead on their intentions and what they say they will do. Intentions and talk are what drive the world.” Congressman Barney Frank and Chinese Vice President XI Jinping seated nearby reiterated these words.

The BAA also noted that no president has won the marathon before. This would set a good example for all future presidents of the United States and for other countries such as Iran and North Korea that intentions really matter. It should be noted that both of these countries have lots of smokers, along with their nukes.

Many observers were shocked by the unexpected decision before the race has even been run. However, when told of his win the President said he had really been thinking a lot about keeping in shape, talked with staff about cutting back on his smoking, and even read an article about the Boston Marathon.

Obama added that winning the Boston Marathon was better than any other award he has received, including his Nobel Prize, Tony for best performance by leading actor, Emmy for outstanding lead actor in drama series, Golden Globe for best performance of an actor in a comedy, NASCAR Champion, World Series Most Valuable Player, Best Twitter Page, and Teleprompters of America Best Reader.

New Anti-Smoking Ads Warn Teens ‘It’s Gay To Smoke’

Obama To Enter Diplomatic Talks With Raging Wildfire

Because so many in the “arts community” think that Roman Polanski should be allowed to rape children without consequence because he’s a great artist, it only follows that greater artists deserve even greater felony freedom.

So, based on box office results, here is our list:

• Steven Spielberg, with $3.4 billion in ticket sales, can destroy a small village including its inhabitants and go free. If he does so while filming, all the better.
• Robert Zemeckis, with $1.8 billion, can commit one murder with special circumstances.
• George Lucas, with $1.7 billion, can commit one vanilla homicide. (Some consider his later Star Wars films a crime, but no matter.)
• Ron Howard, at $1.6 billion, can fleece thousands of people in a Ponzi scheme without fear of prosecution
• And let’s not forget writers: J.K. Rowling is certainly entitled to at least one freebie felony as are Stephen King, James Patterson, Tom Clancy and Danielle Steele.

If you are a pedophile priest, then regardless of how long ago you abused a child, the law will pursue you to the end, and don’t expect Woody Allen or Harvey Weinstein to justify your sins.

In fact, Hollywood will use your crime to tarnish religion in general, so both you and your institution will feel the sting of righteous justice.

Via American Digest.

Using Maureen Dowd’s logic, he must be.

Gov. Paterson is a dead man walking.

The governor may insist he intends to buck the White House and run in 2010, but President Obama has fixed it so Paterson is the lamest of lame ducks and virtually unable to accomplish anything that might resurrect his poll numbers.

In doing so, the Obama administration has done the seemingly impossible by making Albany even more dysfunctional than it already was – at least in the short term.

Report: Growing Ranks Of Nouveau Poor Facing Discrimination From Old Poor

Via Instapundit:

Facebook, Twitter Revolutionizing How Parents Stalk Their College-Aged Kids

Iowahawk:

La Crosse WI — Slowly filing past a green-and-gold casket festooned with cheese curds, lottery tickets, and bouquets of 6-pack rings, the city of La Crosse bid a tearful farewell this morning to Norman V. “Norm” Snitker, 62. Long heralded as the “Lion of Leinenkugel” for his relentless fight for free beer and shots at local taverns and supper clubs, Snitker succumbed to an exploding liver Tuesday evening during a late model modified heat at La Crosse Speedway’s $1 Jagermeister night.

“Norm left an amazing legacy, and an amazing bar tab,” said mourner Les Schreindl, 59. “La Crosse won’t see his likes again soon.”

Like hundreds of other who came to pay their respects at First Presbyterian — some traveling from as far as Menomonie, Pewaukee, Ashwebenon, and Waunawacamapepee — Schreindl wiped a tear in remembrance of the fallen champion of universal alcohol rights. Many vowed to carry on his fight, but along with the heartfelt, staggering eulogies, there was a melancholy sense that the death of Norm Snitker marked the end of the Snitker welding supply dynasty that has for so long dominated public life in La Crosse County.

A Storied Life

Born on July 9, 1947 as the 7th child of legendary La Crosse welding supply impresario and kingmaker Elmer Snitker, Norman Snitker grew up amid the stately opulence afforded by his father’s reported $15,000 fortune, bass boat, and palatial storage shed. By all accounts a precocious drinker, he took early advantage of his birthright and fully stocked basement liquor cabinet, earning the first of his 138 lifetime DUIs at age 11.

Although he grew up in privilege, Snitker insiders say that even at a young age Norm showed a deep empathy for those who were less fortunate.

“Norm would look at the other kids at school, and say, ‘why don’t they have access to the same fake IDs as me? Why must they remain sober?’” said classmate Glenn Hunsaker. “It became a crusade for him, and he became an activist. Every Friday night you’d see him at the Piggly Wiggly parking lot, making sure that every kid in La Crosse got the Pabst and Old Style that they so desperately needed.”

Read on.

HT: Susan Gertson

Germans try to enliven their dull election campaign with humor. “Yes We Can” becomes Yes, Weekend.

Germany’s election campaign is being livened up by satirical pledges to rebuild the Berlin Wall, send pensioners to the east, provide free cosmetic surgery for everyone and install a rabbit as the national symbol. Humor is urgently needed at this time of political torpor, comedians say.

Germany has been at pains to keep its politics as dull as possible since 1945, understandably so, some might say. Consensus and compromise prevail, and the scandals tend to be too complicated or too trivial to keep casual observers interested for long.

It has gotten worse in the last four years. Political debate has been stifled as the two main parties, Chancellor Angela Merkel’s conservatives and the rival center-left Social Democrats, have been locked in an awkward coalition in which they’ve had to shelve their differences.

What Germany’s political scene needs now more than ever is a refreshing injection of satire, or at least humor, and tentative attempts are underway to meet that need.

A bona fide party called Die Partei (The Party) is campaigning with a satirical program to rebuild the Berlin Wall, turn eastern Germany into a nature reserve and populate it with the nation’s pensioners.

And one of the country’s best-known comedians, Hape Kerkeling, has formed his own mock party that’s “conservative, liberal, left-wing and a bit ecological” and pledges to provide free cosmetic surgery for everyone.

Bunny to Replace German Eagle

Its catchphrase, possibly based on a misunderstanding of Barack Obama’s famous slogan, is “Yes, Weekend.” And it wants to abolish the eagle as the national symbol and replace it with the “Federal Rabbit.”

The media, desperate for a bit of light relief during what has so far been a downright boring election, pounced on Kerkeling’s campaign. His news conference in Berlin on Tuesday to launch a mock-documentary style feature film about his candidacy attracted the kind of attention usually reserved for Merkel — news channel n-tv carried it live, and some 100 reporters unwittingly became extras in his PR coup, feeding him questions and lapping up his jokes.

What about swine flu, Kerkeling, posing as his alter ego Horst Schlämmer with hideous false teeth, gray wig and a dirty trenchcoat, was asked. “I’m against it,” he replied.

Other nuggets followed. His first foreign trip as chancellor will be to the Netherlands because that’s just across the border from his home in the small town of Grevenbroich, which will incidentally become the new capital. He also had a message for the youth of today: “Children are our future.”

White House Reveals Obama Is Bipolar, Has Entered Depressive Phase